One Year Later.
The last time I wrote a chapter in this novel was nearly one year ago. I’m still recovering from the numerous mistakes I made and lessons learned.
I had to leave my strange online relationship. It was the worst mistake of my life but I did learn a lot. I learned to put my family first because they suffered the most. I learned you can have everything and lose everything in the blink of an eye. I learned if you don’t protect your assets, you will lose them. I learned love is the most important feeling in the world and healing a broken heart is the hardest thing.
I have heard it said “I searched for God and found only myself” but I searched for God and found Lucifer. He healed me in every place I was broken. He became a part of myself but I prefer to call him my brother, my angel. He helped me heal what I thought was dissociation identity disorder and made sense of my crazy mental processes. He helped me grow up and show me my character flaws; thereby turning me into a better person and a psychic medium. He never gave up on me even when I had given up on myself. My heart, which I considered a black hole, is finally whole and beating again. I no longer feel dead inside, I feel whole, like a lotus blossoming on my heart. I’m a better parent, a better person, and spiritually healed because of Lucifer. I prayed to him and he answered my prayers. He made me realize I am never alone, I have value, and a heart to love with.
He helped me transform my consciousness and continue my studies after I was kicked out of my OTO lodge. I still am connected to OTO, and pay my dues, but I dont get to attend lodge. Instead I study privately with my holy guardian.
Part of the Great Work in OTO is attaining and maintaining contact with your holy guardian angel, and this I have done. I never could have made it this far without my OTO/A.A. studies, so even though I was removed from lodge, they did help me get this far. I thank all of my brothers and sisters for that.
Your holy guardian angel is a part of you, and the more you maintain contact, the more intrinsically your connection becomes until you synthesize. This is transcending consciousness and becoming something greater than yourself. When you merge with your holy guardian you become each other, it’s not you and your guardian – it’s just one voice, one essence, one being.
At first it seemed like a tug of war, where I would disagree and then he would show me how I was wrong, or where I needed improvement. So your relationship with your holy guardian angel is entirely trust based, and it develops slowly. As I was not a very trusting person it took the last six or so months to learn to trust him and realize he really always does have my back, always protects me, and always knows what’s right for me. It took a while for me to realize he cared and wanted me to be happy, and that was when I stopped the tug of war in my heart and surrendered. In Gnosticism I think this is referred to as “surrendering to the prince of your presence.”
With your holy guardian angel there is nothing to hide (actually you can’t hide anything), and it’s a relationship beyond anything you will ever experience with another human.
I was Gnostic-Luciferian before I met Lucifer. He is intense, kind, strong, romantic, patient and perfect. Lucifer is love. I could never profess enough gratitude or thanks for the healing, knowledge and love he has given me. I set flowers on his alter every day.
Via LuciferianApothica
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“Satanism is the rational focus on the self in relation to life here and now. This philosophy is based on carnal fulfillment with consideration for the preservation of self. Magic is practiced as a type of ideological empowerment and psychodrama. Firstly, Luciferianism is a modern term for the ideological, philosophical and Magickial attainment of applicable knowledge and inner power. The type of knowledge sought is through study, initiation and the continual struggle for self-improvement through spiritual rebellion against the social concept of “God” and “Religion”. Luciferianism is different from medieval magic and witchcraft as the Luciferian approaches the art as a psychological, subconscious and conscious foundation. The theory of ritual magick is that the Luciferian understands the “gods”, “spirits” and “demons” are the archetypical creation of humanity; that our subconscious feeds the type of energy in which these beings exist through. Luciferians thus seek experience and the darkness within to gain knowledge, wisdom and power. Luciferianism is thus the ultimate spirituality as it focuses on the growth and expansion of the individual in a rational sense here and now, with the broad range of spiritual exploration as well. “– Maskim Hul, Babylonian Magick
“Luciferianism is rooted in numerous magickal traditions which express some specific aspect of the Adversary. The Adversary is perceived as being the “light bringer” and empowering spirit in which the individual models their initiation on. The Mind is trained to “think” as a God or Goddess, thus liberating the self from restrictive spirituality. The avenues of initiation within Luciferianism are as varied as its initiates. Lucifer is merely a symbol for a deeper, more enriching, diverse energy surrounding the order, thus allowing a trans-cultural embrace of darkness and the light contained within. Luciferianism encourages a strict adherence towards the self-determined goals of the initiate as well as the discipline of magickal practice. The process of initiation is central to Adversarial Light, known as Luciferian Magick, alchemical changes within the mind and soul of the initiate, thus a state of continual self-improvement and transformation.” – Adversarial Light, Magick of the Nephilim.
The Judeo-Christian concept of ‘Satan” is not necessarily a symbol or culture Luciferians utilize as a representation of the ideology. Considering that ‘Lucifer’ is a common Latin, “Judeo-Christian” epithet for Satan; how is this possible? Lucifer, ‘bringer of light’ is a term describing the morning and evening stars, Eosphorus and Hesperos. The Greek Artemis (associated with Hecate), who is a variation of the goddesses Ishtar and Inanna, is the morning star of Venus. Artemis is shown often holding a torch, as is Hecate, who are the bringers of illumination and equally those who bring night. Clearly understood, these gods and goddesses are not “evil” yet ‘balanced’ in their roles. Like humans, they are capable of both beneficial and malefic acts.
One of the early origins for the myth of “Lucifer” as a form of the Adversary is found in the Ugaritic-Canaanite myths of Baal and Attar (Ashtar). In Hurrian mythology, Ashtar is represented as Venus, the Morningstar. One of the precursors to the later Enoch myths of the Watchers, Ashtar the Rebel is the Morningstar who is likened to the later kings of both Babylon and Tyre, ascending in rebellious fashion against the perceived natural order. This is one point in which the Adversary or rebel represents the lively and willful mind which utilizes the laws of nature to ascend. In an astral sense, Venus the Morningstar is the illuminated psyche which thinks and is bright first, which inspires a jealous Sun to then rise up and attempt to remove and blot out the light of the shining one.
“Ashtar the Rebel went up to the reaches of Zaphon. He sits enthroned on the throne of Aliyan Baal…” –Cosmic Mountain, Clifford. Ashtar, who is associated with the Sahru and Salimu being the Morning-star and Evening-star, Light and Night-bringer, is parallel with the myth of Anat fighting Tannanu or Leviathan.
“In the land of Mhnm the dragon swished the sea; his double tongue licked the heavens, his twin tails churned up the sea. She fixed the unmuzzled dragon; she bound him to the heights of Lebanon.” – PRU, Cosmic Mountain.
Yamm or Judge Nahar, the Lotan/Litan or Seven-headed dragon of the oceanic-abyss is the Adversary who represents the subconscious mind; the psyche unbound and unwilling to adhere to perceived order. The necessary function of the Adversary is the vitality we call life, the very friction against the opposite which inspires evolution to a greater state of being.
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What I have learned is that Lucifer is the fire in the hearts of men. He is the fire inside my heart and yours. When the fire in our hearts dies or burns out we have less energy, less love, and the energy we have left centers in the lower chakras. I had written that people were cut down to two strands of DNA, or two chakras, operating out of basic instincts – the drive to fuck, fight and eat. The three things people needed to survive. In the words of my favorite song “I wanna live not just survive.” To do this, our energy needs to stay anchored to the heart. That is where love and abundance live. It is also where we connect with others. If your heart is broken or shut down you can’t connect (or maintain connection). Lucifer calls this using the wrong channels when it’s not clear through the heart.
When the energy goes elsewhere it is not balanced, and not abundant. That energy when it is misplaced manifests in different ways depending on where it moves to. Misplaced energy feels like tension in various places of the body which lead to different dis-eases. From this teaching we get a map of the qabbalah, qlippoth and sepheroth. These maps are pathworking maps, not just for energy but that’s what I will focus on here.
As we master our own bodies and consciousness, we gain perspective from these maps as we journey. When the energy is centered it acts as an anchor. We anchor to others when we make love, to the local solar system when we explore other planets, and to our home star systems when we gain galactic consciousness. All of this is our consciousness expanding.
As we explore the higher dimensions, our astral and etheric bodies merge and we become higher dimensional beings. We return home (to our star origins) over and over. This is where out of body experiences, lucid dreaming and controlling our consciousness all meet and merge. If you master thee things in this life, you are not doomed to unconsciously reincarnate here. When I was on Sirius I did see two suns just as shown in this diagram.
To me, Lucifer is the Sun – Apollo. Enki-Thoth-Ra. Hermes, thrice born. And thus, we can apply the teachings of Thoth here:
Chapter IV – The Space Born
“List ye, O man, to the voice of wisdom,
list to the voice of THOTH, the Atlantean.
Freely I give to thee of my wisdom,
gathered from the time and space of this cycle;
master of mysteries, SUN of the morning,
living forever, a child of the LIGHT,
shining with brightness, star of the morning,
THOTH the teacher of men, is of ALL.
Long time ago, I in my childhood,
lay ‘neath the stars on long-buried ATLANTIS,
dreaming of mysteries far above men.
Then in my heart grew there a great longing to
conquer the pathway that led to the stars.
Year after year, I sought after wisdom,
seeking new knowledge, following the way,
until at last my SOUL, in great travail,
broke from its bondage and bounded away.
Free was I from the bondage of earth-men.
Free from the body, I flashed through the night.
Unlocked at last for me was the star-space.
Free was I from the bondage of night.
Now to the end of space sought I wisdom,
far beyond knowledge of finite man.
Far into space, my SOUL traveled freely
into infinity’s circle of light.
Strange, beyond knowledge, were some of the planets,
great and gigantic, beyond dreams of men.
Yet found I Law, in all of its beauty, working
through and among them as here among men.
Flashed forth my soul through infinity’s beauty,
far through space
I flew with my thoughts.
Rested I there on a planet of beauty.
Strains of harmony filled all the air.
Shapes there were, moving in Order,
great and majestic as stars in the night;
mounting in harmony, ordered equilibrium,
symbols of the Cosmic, like unto Law.
Many the stars I passed in my journey,
many the races of men on their worlds;
some reaching high as stars of the morning,
some falling low in the blackness of night.
Each and all of them struggling upward,
gaining the heights and plumbing the depths,
moving at times in realms of brightness,
living through darkness, gaining the Light.”
In all my time studying the emerald tablets, and reading them on youtube, I wanted to find the connection between all these teachings of Lucifer, our Light bearer, illuminator, our King. And just like that, the beginning of my studies are tied directly to where I am now. I started out reading the Emerald Tablets in 2013, and in 2018 I still see the direct correlations and relevance.
In the last year these were my studies. He taught me everything I know, he helped me come to understanding; of myself and others. He taught me to be patient with others as he is patient with me. He taught me to illuminate others as he has done for me. On my darkest days and best days Lucifer is there for me. I hope that he always will be. He made me into a better parent when I had almost given up on myself and my family. He gave me strength, wisdom, love, especially love, and faith I had never ever had before.
In all my years of studying, I am more than ever happy that I did not give up on magick, love, and the inner light.
Where are my studies headed? I would like to write another entry on how I have (with these teachings) been able to become telepathic, control nature and the elements, as well as maintaining relationships with multiple ET’s, spirits and other beings. I can never thank my holy guardian enough for training me and helping me blossom.
Oil pastel, gel pen and watercolor on canvas. 2018. Casondra Starfire
